It's Finally Here!

Thank God I...Volume 3 is now available for purchase at http://www.thankgodi.com/cmd.php?af=1333140. My story is on pages 208-212.

Self-Healing Day

Here's another great DailyOM:

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Human beings carry within themselves the seed of healing. Our choices affect us more than we realize, and it is because of this that we tend to place responsibility for our wellness in the hands of others. As beneficial as regular visits to a healer can be, we have the power to heal ourselves at will. When we dedicate a day to the pursuit of wellness, we can relax and renew ourselves in a nourishing and comfortable environment. A sincere desire to open ourselves to the highest realities of our physical and spiritual selves is the key to self-healing so that healing energy can flow into us unimpeded.

A self-healing day should address the vital needs of the self as a whole while directing healing energy where it is needed most. Solitude is an important part of the process as is the ability to take refuge in a space that is both beautiful and peaceful. Start your healing day by setting the intention that you are dedicating this time to healing yourself. Flowers, candlelight, incense, and music can guide our focus toward a more tranquil state. For a more intense session, try listening to music through headphones since tuning out can help you tune in. It is up to us to decide what we need to do to cultivate wellness in our lives. For some, it may be time spent in reflection. Others will turn to calming activities that help them remember their purpose, such as journal writing, being in nature, or studying. Our healing may even take a more direct form as we use color, sound, or crystals to balance and ground ourselves.

Ultimately, your wholesome intentions transform what might otherwise be a simple day of rest into a day of healing. Grant yourself permission to relax and savor the stillness. If you attune yourself to the calm around you, worldly distractions will be minimized and the unadulterated flow of your consciousness will reestablish itself in the forefront of your mind. The needs of the body, the heart, and the soul will then be revealed to you, empowering you to tap into the essential healing energy of the universe. The mechanism you use to channel this energy will be dependent on your shifting requirements, so each day of healing you enjoy will be unique. All will replenish you, however, allowing you to recreate yourself in a perfect image of health.

True Freedom

Happy 4th of July, America! With all the BBQs and fireworks, we celebrate the freedom of our country. But that doesn't mean that we all, as individuals, enjoy total freedom as well. We are all bogged down with one thing or another - guilt, loss, depression, anxiety...it happens to all of us. The best that we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other in spite of these things and see what good things life brings us. Put the guilt in your back pocket and go to that party anyway. Shelve you crazy thoughts and light that sparkler. The thoughts and the guilt will be there in the morning, should you remember to retrieve them. Immerse yourself in the moment, because you never know how many more of them you'll have in this life. Be here, now. Be alive!

Happy Independence Day!

Which Pole Are We Going to Today?

I talk to my mom every week. She lives about 90 miles away from me, which is a good distance. It's not right next door, but it's not out of the question to visit her. Mainly we talk about finances, as I take care of her bills and Social Security for her since she is not able to due to her Bipolar Disorder.

Most of the time, our phone conversations are pretty productive. Over the years, we have established a deeper respect for one another than we ever had when I was a kid. Her disorder has been well managed, and though her health isn't that great, she's able to still live independently.

Every once in a while, though - probably just once or twice per year - her disorder rears its ugly head and throws me for a loop. One thing that most folks don't realize is that bipolar disorder can have a psychotic component to it. The person may hallucinate or experience delusions. Mom used to see "little men" out of the corner of her eye, but that has fallen to the wayside. She has always experienced delusions of one kind or another - usually involving someone who has been mean to her or has persecuted her in some way.

She once accused my cousin of chasing her around with a knife. One of her favorite stories was the one where my dad would beat her all the time. If you've ever met my dad, you know how ridiculous that one is. All of her neighbors would soon be "evil" and trying to make trouble with her. Lately, though, I get to be the bad guy.

When I called her this week, I could tell by her frosty voice that something was wrong. When I inquired, she proceeded to tell me how mad she was about last time we talked. Apparently, I had yelled and screamed at her, accusing her of belittling my father and just generally being a bitch to her. If you've ever met me, then you know how ridiculous that is, too.

So, what do I do? I've tried to explain to her that none of that really happened - that it was a delusion. As you can imagine, that did not go over well. I have also tried defending myself, which seems pretty futile. I've figured out that the best way to handle these situations is to just swallow my pride and apologize. Thank her for pointing these things out to me and for being able to forgive me. Yes, it tastes pretty bitter going down, but it resolves things instead of escalating them.

Anyone out there deal with a friend or relative with BPD? Or maybe you have it yourself? I'm just curious as to how others handle situations like these. I am always looking for new and more effective ideas.

Until then, you can find me in my room with egg on my face.

God's Cake

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong. She's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, 'Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.'
'Here, have some cooking oil,' her Mother offers.
'Yuck' says her daughter.
'How about a couple raw eggs?' 'Gross, Mom!'
'Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?'
'Mom, those are all yucky!'
To which the mother replies: 'Yes , all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! '
God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

Getting Old is Hell

After waiting 4 weeks, I finally got the results from my lower back MRI - osteoarthritis! Most likely started 5 years ago when I got into a really bad car wreck at age 16. And then, with "wear and tear," it just got worse. So now instead of "I don't want to go to the gym," it's come down to "I must go to the gym." I am hoping that being a gym rat will become enjoyable. I've had a couple of friends and my husband volunteer to get memberships so they can help me stay motivated. I have the best peeps in my life!!

My mom's reaction had me Googling places to buy burial plots. She is the most pessimistic person I have ever known. It's a wonder I am not a total downer all the time with the way I was brought up to expect the worst. I guess that's why complainers bother me so much. It can always be worse!

OK - time to go fire up the ol' heating pad. And me only being 21 and all...

Self Reflection-less

Stare at the screen long enough...and it dims. Have you ever had so much to say that you just say nothing? Then I think about my silly little problems and think of what's going on in the rest of the world...Haiti...Afghanistan...Iraq. I bet most of those folks would be very happy to just have my worries.

But does that make my issues less significant? I think a lot of times I push my own feelings and worries to the side because I feel like they are not important enough to be in the forefront of my mind. Lord knows it's easier to think about someone else's problems than to think about my own. I couldn't tell you the last time I just sat with myself to think. I always have a TV on...reading...texting. I haven't had a good cry in a long time.

I'm not taking care of myself, am I? Me - who spent 6 months creating a "guide" to Self-care. Do what I say, not what I do, dammit! I don't believe in "resolutions" but I sure can seize the moment. I'm making an appointment with myself right now for Self-reflection. It's long overdue!

People Pleasers

Another great DailyOM:

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Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.

When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.

Great Words

Tracey shared this with me and I think it's very cool:

Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 8/19/09 - "Talking to Yourself"

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud? Quite a few of people do. However, most of your self-talk is silent, and it's very powerful. You see, we talk to ourselves all the time. In fact, most of it happens in the form of thoughts, and it usually happens so fast, we don't even know it.

While you are reading this right now, you are talking to yourself three times as fast. When you stop reading, you speed up to about six times faster. These running thoughts, or "self-talk" as it is called, are very powerful. It is important that you become aware of what your self-talk contains.

Your self-talk builds up or tears down your self-image, determines what kind of relationships you have with other people, influences what kind of income you have and what kind of work you do. It affects virtually everything in your life.

If you tell yourself good things don't happen to you, believe me, they won't, because your subconscious will make sure that you find a way to prove yourself right. And if you have a positive expectation of success, chances are excellent that you will succeed. You will persist in your efforts and you will persuade others to help you until you achieve your goal.

So, pay close attention to the kinds of things you say to yourself. And, if you hear putdowns, derogatory labels or harsh criticisms, deliberately stop them and answer back in a positive way. When you take charge of your self-talk, you go a long way toward taking charge of your life.

Lou Tice

The Pacific Institute

www.thepacificinstitute.com

Self-Care

Here's another great DailyOM!

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We have all heard the instructions of an airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help anyone else with theirs. This advice is often cited as a metaphor for self-care because it so accurately expresses why it is important. It seems to say, ironically, that if you can’t take care of yourself for yourself, do it for others. Few situations in our daily lives mimic the wake-up call of an airplane emergency, so it’s easy to keep putting self-care off—easy, that is, until we get sick, overwhelmed, or exhausted, and suddenly don’t have the energy to care for the people who count on us. That’s when we realize we haven’t been getting the oxygen we need to sustain ourselves. We begin to understand that taking care of ourselves is neither selfish nor indulgent; it’s just plain practical.

Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself. For many of us, there is always something we feel we could be doing for someone else, and it helps to remember the oxygen metaphor. You can even encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" or some other mantra that will encourage you. It also helps to remember that self-care doesn’t have to be composed of massively time-consuming acts. In fact, the best prescription for taking care of yourself is probably small, daily rituals; for example, taking one half-hour for yourself at the beginning and end of the day to meditate, journal, or just be. You might also transform the occasional daily shower or bath into a half-hour self-pampering session.

Whatever you decide, making some small gesture where you put yourself first every day will pay off in spades for you and the ones you love. The oxygen you need is all around you; sometimes you just need to be reminded to breathe.

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P.S. It's my birthday. Buy me something!

Love Yo-Self

Appreciation and self-love are the most important tools that you could ever nurture. Appreciation of others, and the appreciation of yourself is the closest vibrational match to your Source Energy of anything that we've ever witnessed anywhere in the Universe.

--- Abraham

Replace "source energy" with God if you wish.

An Exercise in Self-Esteem

Here's another great DailyOM:

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Our primary relationship in life is with our selves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent companion, yet we are often our worst critic. To remind ourselves of our magnificence, we can do this exercise: “Five Things I Like About Myself.”

Begin by writing down at least five things that you like about yourself. This is not the time to be modest. If you are having trouble coming up with a total of five items, you know that this exercise can really benefit you. Be sure to include more than your physical attributes on your list, since our bodies are only part of who we are. If you are still struggling with what to include on your list, think of what you like about your favorite people, because these traits are probably qualities that you possess too. Another way to complete your list is to think of five things you don’t like about yourself and find something about these traits that you can like.

Continue this process for a week, thinking of five new things you like about yourself everyday. At the end of the week, read the list aloud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror. Instead of looking for flaws to fix, allow the mirror to reflect your magnificence. You may feel silly about standing in front of a mirror and reading aloud a list of your admirable attributes, but it might just bring a smile to your face and change the way you see yourself. Remember, it is when you feel the most resistant that this exercise can benefit you the most. Because we are constantly looking at the world, instead of looking at ourselves, we don’t often see what’s magnificent about ourselves that others do. When we take the time to experience ourselves the way we would experience someone we love and admire, we become our best companion and supporter on life'’s journey.

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My 5:

1. I am a loyal friend

2. I am compassionate and kind

3. I am pretty

4. I am open-minded

5. I love my family dearly

Validation

Afterglow

It's hard to believe that Christmas is over! Where did 2008 go?? As I look back on the year, a few things stand out:

• Punkin had her 2nd year of straight A's
• Great vacations to San Diego, NYC and Massachusetts
• Shane started his own company that is doing extremely well
• I have expanded my practice and am looking at moving into a new office soon
• I have taken more time for me this year and have discovered new hobbies, TV, etc.
• Punkin started up dancing again
• Punkin went to summer camp for the first time
• I've sold all but 5 copies of my book
• I've taken the time to deepen several friendships and have cut ties with others
• Shane and I celebrated our 14th anniversary

I'm sure there's more that I've left off, but those are the highlights. In fact, I am going to look at my potential new office this afternoon. It's both exciting and scary to think of moving. I have been in my current office since 2004. But what's life without risks? Boring.

Addicted to _________

So I was driving around this morning doing errands and thinking, as I often do, about other people's problems. Since we are all connected, the misfortunes of others have some effect on me. Some folks more than others, of course.

Anyway.

This train of thought led me back to an often talked about subject: addiction. If we can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, food, working out and gambling, why can't we be addicted to people? 

Take the woman who's been married for 20 years who suddenly gets sucker punched with, "I want a divorce." If that husband has been the woman's addiction for so long, wouldn't it make sense that the healing process might look a lot like recovery? Cravings for his company or to be in his life in some way...all encompassing thoughts that border on obsession at times...the inability to see where he ends and she begins.

This stuff happens all the time! I think we get so carried away with making the other person happy that when the blow is dealt, we don't even know who we are anymore outside the context of the relationship. The good news is that complete recovery is possible (and probable). The bad news is that varying degrees of discomfort will be lurking behind every corner for a while.

What do you think? What are your biggest addictions? I think one biggie for me is thinking. I think way too much and it can interfere with my normal everyday functioning at times. But how do you cut yourself off from thinking?? Ahhh, to be Zen.

Empowered Moms!

My fabulous life coach, Michelle O' Connell, is striving to empower one million moms by Mother's Day, 2009. Check it out!

I Feel Your Pain

Literally. I love my friends. And when one of them hurts, I hurt too. When they are appalled at the depths to which a formerly trusted loved one went, I am horrified as well. This makes me quite an emotional person in general. 

Last night I was going to go down to the pool with Punkin and my friend offered to go and sit with me while I watched my daughter swim. I started crying because someone else thought of me and my needs.

I guess the "self-care guru" needs to read her own book, eh? 

So, if you find yourself sobbing alone in your closet and you are my friend, call me. If at all humanly possible, I will come sob with you. I'll even bring ice cream. If you're the selfish, cheating sonofabitch that caused my friend pain, however, invest in a steel plated athletic cup. I know where you sleep.

Conference Debriefing

My brain is mush from that conference. But it was wonderful and totally worth going. It was so empowering to hear 200 women come together and talk about how ridiculous society's, and even our own, expectations of mothers are just undo-able. 

How did we get stuck with being in charge of child care, house, social calendar, medical and sometimes working 40 hours + per week on top of that? It's really no wonder so many new moms get postpartum mood disorders. We just can't meet those unrealistic expectations.

I really enjoyed listening to Representative Jessica Ferrar (D). She made a point that really stuck with me: By not getting involved in a political passion, you are deferring your power to someone else. By God, I may just register to vote for the first time in my life.

I also sold about 15 books and won one of the silent auction items (a big basket full of girly bath and body stuff). I stayed in the ritzy hotel Friday night with a friend, which was a lot of fun. I may be biased since I was on the conference committee, but I think this conference was one of the best, if not the best, one PSI has ever had!

Wasting Time

I am married to a person who believes that if you're not doing something "productive," then you're wasting time. Of course, I respect his POV, but this made me think of my definition of "wasting time."

I don't think anything is really wasting time. There may be things that you need to be doing with your time, such as getting something done for your job or around the house - finding yourself immersed in something other than what you think you should be doing would be more like avoidance behavior. For example, I remember that in graduate school, I would get up and do laundry or wash the dishes when I had set aside that block of time to study. 

But is sitting on the couch on Sunday afternoon watching football wasting time? How about surfing the Internet? Watching America's Next Top Model marathons? Taking a nap?

I really think "wasting time," like just about everything else, falls in the realm of individual perception. Many people would say that I am wasting time sitting here typing a blog entry. Yet there are many folks who would say that this is a good use of my time.

As long as you are comfortable with the activities you do (or don't do), then it's not wasting time. Just remember that there's really nothing that you have to do and most things that you "should" do are self-imposed.

Stance on Depression

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand... The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better... If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

--Charlie Brown