The Great Muffin Debate

Hello? Anybody here besides the crickets? I think maybe even the insects of the night have given up on my blog! But it's still here...barely breathing. I actually do get ideas and urges to write all the time. Of course when I do, I'm in a public restroom, in the car or elsewhere with no access to pen and paper, computer or handheld device. (Actually I have been known to hog toilet stalls to type out texts and notes to myself, but I'm trying to show you how pathetic I am, not how I tend to be a space ranger). I don't know if it's all the pot I'm smoking, but for the last few years my memory has just sucked.

ANYWAY...I woke up early (again) this morning [what is it with insomnia??] and decided to read something deep and serious to get my mind going. As I flipped through the pages of The Fountainhead a fashion magazine, I started to giggle hysterically at how advertisers are spinning some of their products to appeal to 5 year-old pageant contestants and their parents the general public.

I'll give you an example. I think most Americans are familiar with "English Muffins." I'm not sure how they got their name, as they don't speak English and are definitely not muffins. I don't see no banana nut or blueberry in them. Maybe bran, but - ugh! Anyway, I digress. I turned my stimulating magazine page to find an ad for POPULAR BRAND "Deli Flats."

If I hadn't cleverly foreshadowed with the English muffin hint, all of you would be like, "WTF is that? Lunch meat? Shoes? Shoes made of lunch meat?" No, dear crickets - "Deli Flats" are basically skinny English muffins (like they need to take away more of the bread), pre-cut for your sandwiching needs. I am going to go the extra mile for you here Jiminy, since I write here so sparsely, and educate you about the price difference for less bread in larger packaging (aforementioned "Deli Flats") vs. NAME BRAND English muffins.

On the same website, POPULAR brand English muffins (6 ct. 12 oz pkg) cost $2.39 while an 8 ct. 12oz. package of "Deli Flats" sell for $6.50. However, I completely understand the cost difference when I look at the "user reviews." The "Deli Flats" received 4.5/5 stars while the English muffins only got 4/5. My own point has turned against me in this unexpected research finding! Not only do the "Deli Flats" rate 1/2 star more than the English muffins, but the packaging is so pretty!

I'm so sorry to mislead you, my little friends. Go forth and indulge in some "Deli Flats." Maybe put some shit on them and make them into sandwiches (I don't mean shit as in feces, of course, unless that's your thing). I hang my head in shame. Maybe I can finish my Ayn Rand magazine before I have to get up and shamefully face my day.

Dammit...now I'm getting the urge to make shoes out of ham...

Peak Experiences

So I sat front row at the Rush concert last night. No, not front row as in "Row A" but front row as in Pit Row 1, Seat 1. This was a huge checkmark off my Bucket List. Been a big fan since I was 15...I'll be 40 next year - you do the math. Yes, it was amazing, life-altering, indescribable, new happy place making. But as usual, I have to analyze it to death.

As anyone who has been a fan of a TV show or movie, we get to feel like friends to these folks. We get to know their eccentricities, senses of humor and a bit of their personal lives. I'm sure they don't really dig that kind of stuff, but hey - we're human. So I wore my "All Hail King Lerxst" shirt (guitarist's nickname as we were sitting near him) and got my 2 or 3 smiles and a thumbs up. I was disappointed not to get a shirt that was being tossed or a drum stick that was being handed out, but I have absolutely no reason to complain. It's the anti-climax that is really bumming me out.

I guess that's the thing about events. They pass so quickly. And with the "holy trinity" in their 50's, who knows if I'll get another chance to see them again? I'm sitting here trying to come up with my point, but nothing cogent is coming to me. So I'll say this: last night was the second best night of my life after the birth of my baby. My wedding was great and all but I don't like the spotlight all that much. So yes - I am happy. I hope it lasts. And I hope all of you reading have either had or will have such a moment in your lives. I really do.

Go Buy This DVD - It Will Change Your Life

I Love You, You Dickhead

I have noticed a trend in mainstream music lately: really mean songs. Between this one from All American Rejects and the lovely "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood, I think we have the next generation of "our songs." As in, "Hey, motherf*cker, this is our song." Are people really this angry? Do folks get screwed over that often? I am very glad that I am not single. I would be scared to date these days.

Hey baby, listen to this!

Right now he's probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey

Right now, he's probably up behind her
With a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Right now, she's probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky

Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh and he don't know

That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me

'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats

© THAT LITTLE HOUSE MUSIC; SONY/ATV TUNES D/B/A CROSS KEYS PUB; MIGHTY UNDERDOG MUSIC;

Tweet Tweet

I participate on Twitter. I think it's pretty fun to see what my friends are up to. Of course I could get the same info on FaceBook. But then I have some friends who are on one or the other, but not both.

I looked into adding a Twitter application on my FaceBook page so that I would only have to update once and it would go to both places. But I'd have to unlock my Twitter profile so that anyone could follow me.

I really don't want a bunch of strangers reading my updates. Apparently the cool thing to do is to have thousands of followers. I just don't see the attraction unless you are a celebrity or trying to build some kind of following. 

What am I missing here?

Elaboration

I want to elaborate a little more on what I meant by "porn for women." I am totally making generalizations here - I am sure some of you ladies out there are the exception to what I am about to write, but bear with me.

From what I understand, men are very visual...hence the "traditional" form of titillating images ranging from having to use the imagination to leaving nothing to wonder about. But we chicks, we tend to be different. It's emotional things that get our juices flowing. Show me a picture of a good-looking naked dude and I'll look, but I probably won't have much of a physical reaction. But tell me a story of complete devotion, protection and enduring affection and I'll want to tear off some clothing. 

At least with me, it's not the kill...it's the thrill of the chase. And I'm the one who needs to be pursued. I think that's why new relationships are so passionate on both sides. Things are so new and so unique - like you're the only two people in the whole world. You'd do anything for the other person just so he or she would be happy and feel good. But, inevitably, we lose that feeling somewhere along the way. 

I guess that's why I get so worked up over stories like Twilight (I am now most of the way through New Moon - I need to sleep more), The Notebook and - to a lesser extent - Titanic. It reminds me of how it used to be and makes me hope that it can be that way again someday.

Come On To My House

Thanksgiving was very nice, thankyouverymuch. I am presently astounded that: 1) It is December 1st; and 2) My alarm went off at 5am since I never changed it from last Monday. Yeah, I'm not that thrilled with #2.

Last night at 9pm (after spending all weekend with family and playmates), Punkin decided that she wanted to "spend time" with me. As in "let's do something together." More like I don't want to go to bed and face school tomorrow after 7 days off. The kid is an expert manipulator. By the time I got her tucked in, she had me convinced that I basically ignore her in order to spend time reading and watching TV. While I am addicted to House, I failed to assure her that she was the one who was too busy to pay attention to me.

Oooh...you can watch full episodes on the website!

What were you saying?

And Bad Mistakes...I've Made a Few...

1. Freddie Mercury's outfit

2. William Hung

3. Me posting this on my blog

Morning Hilarity

On our drive to school this morning, Punkin misheard some lyrics to REO Speedwagon's "Take It On the Run" as follows:

You take it on the run baby

If that's the way you want it baby

Then I don't want a unibrow

Makes sense, no?

And on the way home I heard this about Clay Aiken and I had to rethink the unibrow.

Ed Goes Mutant

I am a big Edward Norton fan. The first time I saw him was in Primal Fear. I thought he was brilliant! So, it's a bit disturbing to see that he is playing Bruce Banner in the new Incredible Hulk movie. I just can't reconcile Eisenheim and Walter Fane with a giant angry green mutant.

Looks like he co-wrote the screenplay, too. Is this a case of an actor not wanting to be pigeonholed into a certain type of character?

A New Diagnosis

Check this out:

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Ever hear or feel your phone ringing, you're sure of it, and when you rush to answer it... you discover it hadn't rung at all? More and more cell phone users are reporting hearing their "distinctive" ring tone or feeling their phone vibrating against their leg, only to find that it was all just a fantasy.

It's a phenomenon loosely termed "ringxiety" or "fauxcellarm," with some suggesting that cell phones have become part of the very fabric of people's lives, so much so that if they think have missed a call it has a profound psychological impact. The result is that many feel like their phone could be ringing, even if it isn't. (The phenomenon, I suspect, is very similar to new mothers who're sure they hear their baby crying, only do discover that the kid is fast asleep.)

Phantom vibrations may be purely psychological, but phantom ringing has a more scientific basis. This "psycho-acoustic phenomenon" is a complex issue related to how the brain processes sound in the 1KHz to 6KHz range, where most phone ringing is based. "Your brain is conditioned to respond to a phone ring just as it is to a baby crying," says one sound expert.

As well, if you have a cell phone, you're probably just a little bit crazy. Frequent phone users, are simply "more anxious," says one psychiatrist. "They are on tenterhooks, waiting for the phone to ring."

Something to think about next time you turn your favorite song into a ringtone...

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I learned a long time ago not to make a favorite song my ringtone. Rather than anxiety, I feel annoyed when my phone rings, so my "favorite song" quickly starts to irritate me. I am not a phone person at all. Send me an email and I'll be your best friend.

Numbers!

Here's another great DailyOM. With lots of people focused on certain numbers this Sunday, it seemed appropriate. That, and my life-long pattern of noticing 3:33. In fact, I was born at 3:33pm. Do you have any "special numbers"?

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Glancing at the clock may cause us to look again sometimes, especially when we notice that we’ve caught it at the same time over and over again. Maybe we see the same number pattern echoed everywhere we look—whether on license plates or appliances—over a period of hours or even days. When we accept that there are no coincidences, we know there is a message in the numbers for us, and we know to pay attention to the repeating patterns and search for their true meaning.

Numerology has its basis in the ancient world and tells us that each number carries its own vibration and symbolic significance. It can mark the stages of our soul’s evolution as we move from one frequency to the next. Repeating number patterns in our lives may call us to focus on certain aspects of our lives and rise to approach them from the best within us. Once we’ve recognized that there is something we must look more deeply into, we also must trust that we will be guided to the people and places that hold the right answers for us.

Numbers, as symbols, can carry personal meanings as well. We may have our own lucky number that has served us well throughout our lives and another that reminds us of certain events of significance. If these are the numbers that are appearing, it may be the right time to delve into the past for clues about how to handle a present situation. Many people are seeing 11:11 right now, which can be interpreted as an energetic gateway that has opened for you and is ready to manifest your thoughts into reality. Whatever explanations you receive about the numbers that are appearing everywhere you look, the important thing is to trust your own guidance as to what they are telling you. Each culture attaches different meaning to the numbers, so a Chinese interpretation may be different than an interpretation from Kabalah. It is up to us to use our intuition to see which is the best fit for us. If someone has an explanation that doesn’t feel right, then this is not the answer for you but! may be just a clue to keep you moving on the path. By paying attention to the numbers around us, we use them as tools to improve our connection to the universe and our awareness of our choices in life.

Disappointed...

I usually don't bother to comment on pop culture scandals a la Lindsey and Britney, but this particular announcement had me floored. 

I'm not an idiot - I know that plenty of 16 year olds (and younger) have sex all the time. What I don't quite get is why so many turn up pregnant. 

The Spears family obviously doesn't lack in the financial department - a trip to the GYN for the pill or some condoms shouldn't set them back too much. After what her sister has gone through, you'd think Jamie Lynn would have some extra information so that ignorance wouldn't be a factor.

I guess the bottom line for me is that I am disappointed. Punkin loves to watch Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon. She wants to be like Zoey and Hannah Montana.

I suppose this can be a learning experience for my 8 year-old. I cringe to think of the day she asks to get on the pill, but I am damn sure going to make sure that we are open enough with each other that she feels comfortable asking me for things like that. I don't want her sneaking around, feeling too ashamed to talk to me (which I suspect is what happened with Jamie Lynn).

Please, oh please, don't let Miley Cyrus get pregnant...or on drugs...or in a cult...or start collecting shrunken heads. We're running out of role models here.

Which Firefly Character Am I?

Your results:
You are River (Stowaway)

River (Stowaway) 70% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 70% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 70% Wash (Ship Pilot) 65% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 60% Inara Serra (Companion) 55% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 50% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 25% Alliance 20% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 10%

Even though you may have some personality problems, (most likely due to being too smart and/or from experiments done on you), you are extremely talented and loved.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

Mailbox Fun

Lookie what they mail person brought me today! It's not the best picture of Mr. Rowe, but it'll do.

Get a Life

Whether a hoax or not, it is rumored that some asshat(s) have scanned and posted all 700-something pages of the new Harry Potter book on the net. What gets me is the incredible amount of time it would take to do this...not so much that people are trying to get a jump on everyone else. Spoilers have been around since the beginning of time, after all.

But seven hundred pages, man! Unless you had some kind of professional equipment, think what you could do in the time it would take to scan seven-hundred pages. That's an all-day job, easy. I don't understand the motivation. I'd rather watch Oil, Sweat and Rigs marathons than scan seven-hundred pages of anything.

And just think if it leaked out that you are the one who did it! You'd have geeky Rowling fans (yes, it takes one to know one) keying your Prius and totally screwing with your cable connection! People take their Potter seriously, folks. Seriously.

Ageless

You know how people always say that Dick Clark never ages? Well, it occurred to me the other day that Weird Al is the same way. I hadn't seen one of his videos in years until "White and Nerdy" was sent to me from several people (should I be offended? Nah, it's true.).

Al has to be in his late 40's by now, but looks pretty much the same as he did 20 years ago. What other famous faces seem to be frozen in time?

My Foray into the Mainstream

The Secret is sure getting a lot of attention. First Larry King, then Oprah, and now an article in the local paper. I'm glad these ideas are going mainstream. Maybe people will be more positive and kinder to one another. Anything that gives people hope has my vote.

And speaking of vote...I attempted to watch American Idol last night for the first time in ages. I usually like to tune in at the beginning of the season to see the really bad people. It makes me not feel so bad about my shower singing. Anyway, I watched for about 20 minutes and saw nothing. There were commercials and something that looked like a telethon. What happened? Is Idol getting to be like MTV, who lost the "music" part of "music television" a long time ago?

I hate to admit it, but I am glad we have cable. At least when we want to watch television, there's usually something interesting on. It seems like pop culture is drowning in commercialism.