Peak Experiences

So I sat front row at the Rush concert last night. No, not front row as in "Row A" but front row as in Pit Row 1, Seat 1. This was a huge checkmark off my Bucket List. Been a big fan since I was 15...I'll be 40 next year - you do the math. Yes, it was amazing, life-altering, indescribable, new happy place making. But as usual, I have to analyze it to death.

As anyone who has been a fan of a TV show or movie, we get to feel like friends to these folks. We get to know their eccentricities, senses of humor and a bit of their personal lives. I'm sure they don't really dig that kind of stuff, but hey - we're human. So I wore my "All Hail King Lerxst" shirt (guitarist's nickname as we were sitting near him) and got my 2 or 3 smiles and a thumbs up. I was disappointed not to get a shirt that was being tossed or a drum stick that was being handed out, but I have absolutely no reason to complain. It's the anti-climax that is really bumming me out.

I guess that's the thing about events. They pass so quickly. And with the "holy trinity" in their 50's, who knows if I'll get another chance to see them again? I'm sitting here trying to come up with my point, but nothing cogent is coming to me. So I'll say this: last night was the second best night of my life after the birth of my baby. My wedding was great and all but I don't like the spotlight all that much. So yes - I am happy. I hope it lasts. And I hope all of you reading have either had or will have such a moment in your lives. I really do.

Which Pole Are We Going to Today?

I talk to my mom every week. She lives about 90 miles away from me, which is a good distance. It's not right next door, but it's not out of the question to visit her. Mainly we talk about finances, as I take care of her bills and Social Security for her since she is not able to due to her Bipolar Disorder.

Most of the time, our phone conversations are pretty productive. Over the years, we have established a deeper respect for one another than we ever had when I was a kid. Her disorder has been well managed, and though her health isn't that great, she's able to still live independently.

Every once in a while, though - probably just once or twice per year - her disorder rears its ugly head and throws me for a loop. One thing that most folks don't realize is that bipolar disorder can have a psychotic component to it. The person may hallucinate or experience delusions. Mom used to see "little men" out of the corner of her eye, but that has fallen to the wayside. She has always experienced delusions of one kind or another - usually involving someone who has been mean to her or has persecuted her in some way.

She once accused my cousin of chasing her around with a knife. One of her favorite stories was the one where my dad would beat her all the time. If you've ever met my dad, you know how ridiculous that one is. All of her neighbors would soon be "evil" and trying to make trouble with her. Lately, though, I get to be the bad guy.

When I called her this week, I could tell by her frosty voice that something was wrong. When I inquired, she proceeded to tell me how mad she was about last time we talked. Apparently, I had yelled and screamed at her, accusing her of belittling my father and just generally being a bitch to her. If you've ever met me, then you know how ridiculous that is, too.

So, what do I do? I've tried to explain to her that none of that really happened - that it was a delusion. As you can imagine, that did not go over well. I have also tried defending myself, which seems pretty futile. I've figured out that the best way to handle these situations is to just swallow my pride and apologize. Thank her for pointing these things out to me and for being able to forgive me. Yes, it tastes pretty bitter going down, but it resolves things instead of escalating them.

Anyone out there deal with a friend or relative with BPD? Or maybe you have it yourself? I'm just curious as to how others handle situations like these. I am always looking for new and more effective ideas.

Until then, you can find me in my room with egg on my face.

Getting Old is Hell

After waiting 4 weeks, I finally got the results from my lower back MRI - osteoarthritis! Most likely started 5 years ago when I got into a really bad car wreck at age 16. And then, with "wear and tear," it just got worse. So now instead of "I don't want to go to the gym," it's come down to "I must go to the gym." I am hoping that being a gym rat will become enjoyable. I've had a couple of friends and my husband volunteer to get memberships so they can help me stay motivated. I have the best peeps in my life!!

My mom's reaction had me Googling places to buy burial plots. She is the most pessimistic person I have ever known. It's a wonder I am not a total downer all the time with the way I was brought up to expect the worst. I guess that's why complainers bother me so much. It can always be worse!

OK - time to go fire up the ol' heating pad. And me only being 21 and all...

Holiday Time Again

Don't pass out...I am blogging. It's been a while, I know. Twitter and FaceBook make transmitting updates so darn fast and easy.

Another holiday season is upon us. I know this because I just dropped $300 at T@rget on a new tree, decorations for said tree, holiday cards, and the new Harry Potter movie. Right after I left, I got a call from my BFF with an update on her 85 year-old mom, who fell recently. She's not doing so well. What a polarity! Just goes to show you how dichotomous the Universe really is. The good with the bad...the happy with the sad.

I find myself facing this holiday season with ambiguity. I don't know why this year it's so difficult for me to get "in the spirit." Maybe it's because Punkin doesn't believe in Santa anymore. Or because so much of the activity feels obligatory. I feel pressured to put up a freaking plastic tree! I was hoping I'd be doing it with joy. Perhaps I just need an attitude adjustment.

Just don't play Christmas carols around me, OK?

Catching Up

Wow...do I ever post here anymore? Trying to get enough material for a post when you give the play-by-play on FaceBook is tough! Does anyone even read this blog anymore?

For anyone who still does, here's what's going on. We are leaving soon for our vacation in MAUI! My hubby has been working his tail off this past year and thanks to him, we can finally afford to go! He may go into shock over relaxing since he has been in uber-work mode for so long. We all need some relaxation and some family bonding time. We're always so busy, we forget how important family is.

I am trying to scale back on my practice lately. I am not accepting any new clients until August or September. I'm trying to spend as much time with my Punkin as I can. Though, she's at the age where she'd rather be with a friend than be with me anymore. I'll take what I can get.

I've just come off of some weird pseudo-flu. I am hoping and praying that I'm done with it because nausea + plane = hell.

What's going on with you?

Good Day

Today reminded me why I went into psychology. I had a new client who has postpartum depression. As she told me her story, I felt like it was a replay of my own bout - no appetite, no sleep, can't do day-to-day-things, and the worst: feeling nothing for the baby. I'm sure she thought I could read her mind as I was going down the list of things she was feeling or not feeling without her telling me. So classically sad...

I'm proud to say she left my office with a plan and a smile on her face. Now that's why I do what I do.

Gallery Furniture Burns

Wow - Gallery Furniture was on fire. For those of you who live in my area, you'll no doubt be familiar with Mattress Mack and how he'll "save you money!" Love him or hate him, this is quite a blow to a Houston cultural icon.

Neglecting the Blog

Dear Blog,

I wanted to write and apologize for my lack of attention these last few weeks. As you know, Mommy has a new baby, FaceBook Profile (aka FBP), and it just needs some extra care right now while it grows. It does take up most of my on-line time, I know, but I ask you to be patient. You know you are my first baby, and you will always have a special place in my heart.

FBP is starting to be so interactive! It throws sheep at me at a regular basis and buys me Buttery Nipples at happy hour. It has shown me what my name would look like in Japanese and that my old lady name is "Ethel." It is just full of mediocrity and useless quizzes! So - you understand why it has to be my priority for now.

The best part of FBP is that it has put me back in contact with some OLD friends - and I mean that in the most literal sense of the word. So now I get to reminisce about the "good old days" and constantly be horrified that 20 years have passed in the interim.

So, dear blog, I promise to devote more attention to you soon. You could help me out by learning how to throw barrels of monkeys or something.

Love,

Mommy 

Lazy Bones

I don't know what's happening to me. Am I getting lazy? Old? Old and lazy? I'm getting emails from a colleague at school and she's working her ass off getting a new class off the ground. My thought is that I wouldn't want to bother with a new class to begin with. Let me stick to the stuff I already have prepared. I feel like I don't have, nor want, the energy for such a project.

I started thinking about it and realized that it's been a while since I've really been enthusiastic about any project. And it's not because I don't have a cause or direction or goals. My thoughts are, "Let someone else work their ass off. I've done my time." Is that a sign of getting old? 

Maybe it doesn't matter. I am sure that when something comes along that I can get excited about, I'll rebound. I think I should just enjoy the lull.

Go Buy This DVD - It Will Change Your Life

Us and Them

Yeah, it's a great Pink Floyd song, but that's not what I'm talking about. There's this 4-way stop by my house at which people instantly forget how to drive. The powers that be assure us that a traffic light is forthcoming, but until that happens, it's us against them. "Us" being me and whomever is in the lanes next to me going the same direction. "Them" being the idiots who are perpendicular to us.

Most of the time, I am proud of "us." We wait our turn and if some assclown on "their" team tries to cut us in line, we play a good game of chicken. But yesterday, someone on "our" team just shamed me. 

It wasn't "our" turn and the person in the middle lane pulled a California stop and then kept going. Oh, the sense of shame I felt for the rest of us going north. The eastern travelers were so pissed off! I found myself doing the "sorry" wave as representative for "us." 

Sometimes, you just can't control your team.

I Love You, You Dickhead

I have noticed a trend in mainstream music lately: really mean songs. Between this one from All American Rejects and the lovely "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood, I think we have the next generation of "our songs." As in, "Hey, motherf*cker, this is our song." Are people really this angry? Do folks get screwed over that often? I am very glad that I am not single. I would be scared to date these days.

Hey baby, listen to this!

Right now he's probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey

Right now, he's probably up behind her
With a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know

I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Right now, she's probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky

Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh and he don't know

That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me

'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats

© THAT LITTLE HOUSE MUSIC; SONY/ATV TUNES D/B/A CROSS KEYS PUB; MIGHTY UNDERDOG MUSIC;

Picture This

Friday, I spent the afternoon with a friend trying to get a decent picture of myself for my professional web site. I didn't like any of the headshots and the others didn't really float my boat either. But it's hard to tell if the picture really sucks or if it's just that I don't like any pictures of myself. I also felt like a fool posing for portraits...thus lots of laughing and ruining the shots. I guess it's like anything else - you just have to get used to it. Thankfully my friend is eager to practice his photography skills so we should be able to have another session soon.

Catching Up

Just saw an ad for some tax service with a picture of a sad-looking dude on it. Apparently, the source of his sadness is that he's getting $0 back at tax time. Ummm...isn't that kinda the goal? Are people so uninformed that they actually think they are making money on their refunds? That getting nothing back also means that the government hasn't been making interest on your money? Arrrrgh. Whatever. Move on.

I can't believe that Punkin's spring break is almost over. Of course, it wasn't really a break for me. My down time was Las Vegas...if you want to call that down time. Anyway, I have gotten a lot done. I finally finished gathering documents to send to the CPA who will be purchasing a vacation home in Hawaii using the funds we're going to pay him since we're so unorganized this year. I got another test written and am about halfway through grading term papers. I organized all of my client files and caught up on notes. I finally broke down and purchased an iPhone since my cool new slider phone fell apart. Oh, and I seemed to have caught a bug that had me dreaming that I was suffocating this morning. That is not a cool feeling.

What's been going on in your world? I am hoping to catch up on my blog reading today at some point, too.

P.S.

Punkin lost a tooth and learned how to ride a bike while I was gone. Oh, and she asked Shane if he was the Tooth Fairy. He didn't lie to her. I guess it's time anyway. She's 10. So sad though, isn't it?

New Policy

I just read my college's new policy on non-English speaking students. Apparently, they are not "providing accommodations" for these folks. That makes sense to me in so many ways. It's already annoying to hear and see Spanish everywhere - why should we have to bend over backwards to cater to people who haven't made the effort to speak the language? Besides, they offer English as a Second Language (ESL) courses. In short, the new policy says that no electronic devices can be used during any graded assignment. So if they are relying on audiotape for notes, they can't use it during exams or quizzes. I like it.

Happy News

I love reading things like this. Yes, there is tragedy...but there is also love. Love that was born out of pain, grief, empathy and humanity.

FYI...

...the beautiful bouquet of flowers I mentioned in my earlier post that was selling for $120 pre-Valentine's Day is now selling for $50. That, my friends, is what makes a "Hallmark Holiday."

Review of Dollhouse

Ok, so the pilot episode of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse has come and gone. I give it a B-. Since it is easier to notice the downfalls, here's what I didn't like:

• The gratuitous sexual overtones: While I understand their target demographic consists mostly of men, I do think it is possible to interest them without Eliza Dushku and Summer Glau insinuating that they will be available for sex every Friday night at 9/8pm central.
• Programming Echo with a personality that has not only suffered extreme abuse, but has suicidal tendencies as well: I get the whole dichotomy of the Universe thing, but someone who had suffered that kind of abuse would have problems well past near-sightedness and asthma. Do some research, people!
• Stuffing way too much information into 50 minutes: It would have been nice to have an introduction to The Dollhouse, how the Actives got there, who runs the place, etc. And I don't understand what the purpose of Echo's first engagement was - to get laid, be a badass on a crotch rocket and dump a guy?

I think this show has a lot of potential. I am not asking for it to be grounded in complete reality, but some believability would be nice. Any thoughts from other Whedonites out there?