these dreams

i have been having the strangest dreams lately. also, the way i recall them is outside of my usual experience. instead of remembering them when i wake up, they have been coming back into my awareness right before i go to sleep at night. so, i'll remember one night's dream the next night, etc.

the last few nights i have been experiencing an escape theme. i am sneaking out of somewhere, trying to avoid being noticed by a person or a group of people. earlier in the dream, i had been a captive, and i was running away to freedom. the exception was last night, or really this morning.

i woke up at 5:16am after having a nightmare. it was one of those dreams that had my body electrified when i regained consciousness. my heart was pounding and i was filled with what can only be described as terror. as tends to be natural for me, i replayed it over in my mind, wondering the whole time why i was torturing myself.

around 6:15am, i got out of the torture chamber. reflecting on the dream "in broad daylight," i have come to understand the symbolism that scared me so much. it was really another escape fantasy - except i was trying desperately to escape from myself and the horror i had become.