come to the dark side

what did we do to deserve such lovely weather? and why am i not out enjoying it? i am sitting here typing whilst the captain does some work and the dishwasher hums soothingly in the background. punkin is with my dad, to be picked up later today. it's funny how she and i tend to get on each other's nerves. this will be a good break for both of us. i think we're more alike than i'd like to admit.

carl jung said that the traits that we don't like in other people are actually the "dark side" of ourselves. we did this exercise in grad school once - it was pretty cool:

1. think of someone that gets on your nerves
2. write down the specific characteristics of that person that annoy you
3. humble yourself, because these traits are part of you...you just suppress them the best you can

so here's mine (names have been changed to protect the innocent):

1. josh
2. snobby, arrogant, shallow, self-centered
3. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i do have to admit that i am a bit of an elitist. i can't stand stupid people. but i try my best not to come off as a snob. i do believe that i am talented in a couple of areas, but again, i try to be humble (at least outwardly). the shallow part is a little bit tricky. i am definitely not emotionally shallow. but i do sometimes find myself longing for elite material things, which is one definition of shallow in my mind. as for self-centered...well, i am. i mean, i am a therapist and my life's work is to help other people. but when the work day is done and i am home with my thoughts, they're all about me. in a way, that's not such a bad thing. i mean, if i don't think about myself and my needs then who will? but then it snowballs into irrational thoughts about who should be doing what for me. not good.

it's amazing to me how hard it is to figure out what i want. like right now, for instance. i am enjoying typing this entry, but part of me is saying "get outside, you fool! we only get a few days like this per year!" so i visulaize myself going outside and standing there. woo hoo. the captain is too busy to play tennis with. i could go to the park and walk the track, but that tends to make my allergies flare up. i think what i want to do is go get my book du jour and either lie on the couch or the hammock in the back yard and read. yes, that's what i want.

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