advice for the therapist, please

i know i've written about this before, but it's an issue with me once again. i can't quite put my finger on the feeling...it's a cross between jealousy, disappointment and feeling left out. it's a total "junior high" sensation - like when you've been outcasted from a clique or something. i used to work pretty closely with s., who is also a therapist. we had this vision of one day opening a full-service center for women - physical, mental, the whole shabang. we both worked at a hospital, co-leading a support group. we had ideas about co-authoring a book. we still have a website together. i finally got tired of all the red tape at the hospital, so i quit. they didn't want to pay 2 people to run the group and were making us stagger our leadership weekly. it seems like that was the beginning of the end of my professional relationship with s.

since i was working 40 + hours/week at the time, i didn't have the free time that s. had to devote to certain organizations (she works part-time). pretty soon, a women's mental health conference was born, and i had nothing to do with it. they were going to make me pay $150 to attend, but s. was a speaker, so she got in free. i don't have an extra $150 sitting around and the only volunteer opportunities were at 6:00am (and frankly, i was hurt that i wasn't given a pass, considering the work i had done for the organization). so i didn't go. i heard it was mildly successful, and they plan to do another conference in a couple of years.

next, s. announced that she was writing a book. by herself. she started hanging around with a famous psychiatrist, who has a book at the publisher's right now. in fact, the email i got this morning said that she had dinner with ms. famous last night, how busy her practice is right now, and how she saw my piece on tv, saying it was "good" but then adding "what a weird show."

now, our vision of the health center has become her vision - perhaps she's added ms. famous, i don't know. so once again, i am feeling hurt. i don't know if i am overreacting. we didn't have any plans on paper. we were all talk at the time because neither of us had the resources to do any of this stuff. why shouldn't she take advantage of who she knows to do the things that she wants to do professionally? i know that s. is as competitive as i am, and i am sure that my little tv spot fueled the fire. but we're supposed to be colleagues, not in competition!

i wish i could just let this go, but i know it will keep coming up. i don't want to sever my relationship with s. totally, since she is on the same committees as i am. i am tempted to take down "our" website since she hasn't paid 1/2 the monthly fee...ever. but wouldn't that be hateful? i need advice!

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