7.20.2004

silent lucidity

i have been lucid dreaming lately. the latest one was that rabbit and i lived on a big ranch with his family. they hired a nanny/maid and she was blonde, skinny and buxom. all of the men, including rabbit, were all hot and bothered. so, in my dream, i totally made out with this woman, just to prevent anything from happening with her and rabbit. i made myself bi-sexual. most of the time, my lucid dreams involve me changing the setting or characters into something less scary or killing monsters. this one had me laughing when i woke up.
 
i need to simplify my life in a big way. i have way too much going on, and am starting to feel overwhelmed. i have been able to delegate some child responsibilities to rabbit, who is always ready to help. i am starting to resent my mother being in my house and am also re-experiencing some childhood feelings - mainly anxiety and the need to control. i am trying not to make any major decisions right now since my head is not on straight. my last day of work here will be 8/2. maybe that will help, but then again, maybe not. i have been worrying a lot about money - what if i don't get any clients for a long time? what if my practice falls flat? i need to just trust that God will do with me what He will, and that it's the best for me.  

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