a lesson in self-esteem

i subscribe to serveral y@h00! groups - one of them is for the homeowners in my "master planned community." this is a totally "duh" statement, but it just hit me that our issues tend to be the same - it's how we handle them that makes us different.

the gripe du jour is the mosquito infestation. we had a good bit of rain last week and mosquitoes happen to like stagnant water to breed in. seriously, if i go outside for 5 minutes to unload groceries, i have to haul ass because i will get 4 or 5 bites in that short time span. and forget about our evening walks. they would be sprints!

i was reading up on that particular group and was pleased to see that there were numerous posts about the mosquito problem throughout the community. i like it when i have things in common with other people. it gives me a sense of belonging, or fitting in. but then i considered the differences in perception and action. one person was going to call the mosquito control place and demand that her neighbrhood be sprayed (even though it looks like they are starting to spray one subdivision at a time). one guy said that he just doesn't go outside or let his kids go outside. another lady said she sprays everyone down with 0ff, which seems to help a little. and yet another person said they just let their kids go outside anyway and treat the bites if they are bothersome to the kids. personally, i leave it up to punkin. she knows about the mosquitoes. we both got bit up badly last sunday. so when she asks to go outside, i remind her about the bugs and just let her make up her own mind. she's gone both ways, but lately, she's been an inside girl.

i suppose my point is that reality is different for everyone. it's not fair or healthy to tell someone that he or she is wrong just because they don't agree with you on a particular issue. honestly, i wouldn't send my kid outside right now without covering her in bug spray, but for the person that does, it's none of my business. he or she will have to deal with the consequences later - and besides, it's between them and their children. if someone came up to me and made a snide remark about the way i parent, i would have to ask them what need they didn't get met as a child (we mental health professionals can turn that shit around in a millisecond). because the bottom line is: all remarks or actions against you are not about you. they are about the offender. if someone calls you an ugly dresser, it's most likely because they are insecure about the way they dress and in all honesty admire the way you dress. but Lord forbid you'd ever get a compliment. no - putting you down makes the other person feel superior. it's just a different POV - not right, not wrong, it just is.

so stop worrying about what other people think about you. it has nothing to do with you anyway, and 95% of the time, the other person is too worried about what you are thinking about them to bother judging you.

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if you'd like to read more about this kind of stuff, go buy the four agreements by miguel ruiz.