i love you, bitch

sometimes counseling couples really makes me appreciate what the captain and i have. case in point: the folks i saw last evening consider yelling and screaming at each other normal. they call each other names - and not "jerk" or "poopiehead" either. we're talking about the dreaded "c" word, "a-hole," and "motherf*cker."

it's ironic how they can do all this yelling and name-calling and then tell me that they love each other and that's why they want to work on their relationship! i always get a kick out of sitting people down and looking them in the eye. i tell them, "people who love each other do not yell like that on a day-to-day basis. yelling like that is more of an 'oops' thing. people who love each other do not call each other bitch, a-hole, motherf*cker, or even poopiehead for that matter. they usually go for a softer approach, like honey, dear, princess or some other pet name. you two are acting like two people who do not love each other."

that usually gets their attention. they inevitably look at one another with wide eyes, like they just found out that they are really brother and sister or something. the session continues in a quieter manner, and they usually leave holding hands, with an arm around shoulders, or displaying some other form of affection. sometimes this can last a whole week until we meet again. sometimes, it only lasts a couple of days.

it never ceases to amaze me how people perceive the giving and receiving of love. i know how twisted things can get, especially when there is abuse and/or neglect involved. i just hope that this couple, as well as any other couple out there that is hurting, can discover what it really means to express love in a healthy way and not just get mired down in the dirty details.