down with supermom

i don't mean to be a raging feminist here, but there are so many things coming to my attention lately in the media. i was watching a show that's pretty surface...makeovers, fashion trends, etc. (it was either that or the news - i'll take fashion over murder any day). the makeovers that were featured were done on "supermoms." one had 7 kids (3 hers, 4 adopted, 1 with special needs), worked full-time at a hospital with special needs kids, and was available to shuttle her children around to their various extra-curricular functions. the other had 3 girls, was a soccer and a softball coach, worked full-time, etc. the hosts of the show were ooohing and ahhhing over how "amazing" and "self-sacrificing" these women were. like that's a good thing to be!

if you want to have 7 kids, go for it. but you have to expect all that work. that's a conscious choice (accidental pregnancies aside, which this woman didn't have). if you want to run yourself ragged coaching teams after you've worked an 8-10 hour day, you go girl. but again, this is your choice. personally, i would never tell either of these women that they are "amazing." i would tell them to delegate some responsiblity and go to a weekend spa retreat. but i guess one couldn't afford that with 7 kids.

i'm sure some readers of this post are thinking what a selfish person i am. i say, it's about time for me to be selfish. i no longer feel guilty about taking an hour during the day to sit and read a good book. i have dropped out of the competition to see which mom can host the best birthdays, send the best show and tell items, spend hours drilling their kids on spelling words so they will always get an "a+" etc. i want my daughter to make her own way in life. i'll always be there to provide support and guidance, but i refuse to either live her life for her or live my life vicariously through hers. i do want her to have more than i had as a kid. but i think captain crotch and i have already provided more for her with emotional stability, a predictable home life, and making sure she has plenty of time to hang out with her friends. i didn't have any of that growing up.

i read several blogs in which the authors just had babies or are about to. i read about their tremendous guilt over not being able to breastfeed, sending baby to day care and not spending 24/7 enriching the baby's mind. hey, i have been there. those decisions were enormous at the time. we are told that if we don't breastfeed, if we go back to work before our child is in school or if we miss going to a birthday party that we are crappy mothers and we are abusing our children. well, heads up, you supermoms to be! formula will still allow the baby to grow normally. you need a life outside of your family to keep your separate identity. you can't make it to every function that you get invited to. why? because we are not perfect and we are not supernatural. so, give yourself a break. you deserve that.