the thing

i have this thing about one of my colleagues. i don't know why it even exists. it seems like every time she tells me about something new she is doing, i start to feel angry, jealous and left out. we did have a "partnership" at one time whose delicate threads still tie us together in vocation. but i am me and she is her. we are not we.

i have always felt competitive towards this person. from the day we met, it's been a race to see who can "do that" first. she's teaching a hospital class. i'm doing an interview. she's writing a book... bam! she's writing a book. i'm supposed to be the one who writes a book. i am a good writer! i have always wanted to pen a novel. pick me! pick me!

she told me this today, almost in a confessional tone. like she was the one who threw the baseball through my window. i know she feels the competition, too. but, like the mature person that i am, i told her i thought it was a great idea and that she should go for it. inside, i was fuming. i am over it now - not that it had anything at all to do with me anyway.

but what is it about certain people that just push your buttons?