strange days

i woke up from a dream this morning feeling strange. there's just no better word for it. the dream itself wasn't any weirder than dreams usually are. but, as my eyes opened for the day, "strange" has settled in and hasn't left yet.

i feel dark and twisted inside. i feel angry in general - not angry at anyone or anything in particular. i am re-experiencing the angst i had at age sixteen. Lord help me.

i tried to be "normal" as i helped punkin get ready for school, packed my lunch, and dropped her off at school. i smiled at the teachers and made small talk with the other parents. i got in my car and the radio started spouting off a familiar tune from the 80's. it was way too happy. i wanted dark. i put my evanescence cd in and listened on my way to work.

as if they were empathic, the clouds moved in and got grayer as i drove. they formed strange patterns and colors, and seemed crouched - ready to open the heavens at any moment. but no rain - no relief - came. it still hasn't as i sit listening to my "angry" music (creed) and try to make sense of this mood. flashes of my dream come into my mind here and there. the images themselves are not angry, but the emotion that comes with them is the offspring of angry and strange.

the last time i remember feeling like this, i was watching quidam, a cirque du soleil show, about 7 years ago. the music was as the title promised - strange and unknown. perhaps it's because my life is about to change in a big way - an unfamiliar leap of faith outside the box. maybe i am angry that i cannot be sure of the future. that it is truly unknown.

people are strange when you're a stranger...people get ugly when you're alone.

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