jekyll and hyde

life is weird. did you ever notice that? yesterday, i took some time out of my day to help this girl who had gotten lost. i also talked at great length (more than usual) to a man on the phone trying to get into one of our studies. i felt good about myself and knew that God was working through me.

but then i go and do things that must make the Lord cringe. nasty language, lies, gossip, taking medication for fun. is there ever a balance between your jekyll and your hyde?

i must admit, i used to keep hyde locked in a closet for years. when i finally let her out, she balanced me. but now i am wondering if hyde is taking over. and the thing is - i am not doing anything to prevent it. i am not trying to cope. i am not thinking about behavior changes. i am just waiting for the other shoe to drop (who thought that up anyway?). i am a fairly intellectual person. why would i be so stupid as to hang around, being hedonistic, until something bad happens?