spiritual static

my "hotline" to God is cluttered by static. i am on the prayer partner ministry at church and am supposed to pray over prayer requests sent almost daily. it used to be no problem. i had quiet time every day to pray over the requests, plus my own needs. but lately, i haven't been sincere. in fact, i haven't prayed over a request at all in a week.

it all seems so robotic to me. step 1: thank God for your blessings. step 2: confess your sins. step 3: submit your requests. i don't like the idea of systematic spirituality.

i have been reading The Purpose Driven Life by rick warren. i found some comfort in that book because it encourages a unique relationship with God. God wants me to worship Him inside the context of the personality He gave me. so I have been having casual conversations with Him, and I am liking it.

i just sent an email to our ministry leader, telling her that i am taking a break. why be a prayer partner if i can't pray with sincerity? i have no problems being genuine when i pray for people i know and love. but the people on the prayer list are basically strangers to me. i know it shouldn't matter, but it does. and until i can get my enthusiasm back, i am just going to concentrate on my loved ones and try to fix my hotline.