Lookin' to Score?

Being in chronic pain is more than the obvious curse of hurting all the time. It's being embarrassed by it. It's falling asleep when trying new med that makes you look like you're nodding out like some dope fiend. But I don't want to talk about it, either. Yeah you have some great new treatment that will change my life! I've done it and my bank account will show you. I've done PT, chiro, acupuncture, steroid shots, oral pain killers and anything else just short of surgery. I suppose if I could get over myself for being a 38 year old arthritic, it wouldn't be so bad. It's just not what I expected. I want to drive four-wheelers on vacation. I want to walk around the mall for a couple of hours without feeling like I'm about to break in half. Most of all, I'd like my family to trust and support me instead of me feeling like junkie down the street, waiting for my next fix. Especially when they aren't sin-free in this area either.

Days like this, I want to just say screw it. Plenty of people have it worse than I do, so if I'm gone they can have my shit. Happy freaking birthday.

1 comment:

Bipolar Disorder said...

True that. However after years of dealing with it the pain kind of becomes numb, you get used to it in some weird way.