no more stuffin'

so, my mom had a stroke last thursday and didn't do anything about it until monday. her doctor sent her straight to the hospital, where she remains, getting more ornery as each day goes by. she hates that several people are asking her the same questions over and over. she hates that she has no feeling in her left side and has to use a walker. she hates being away from her home and her dog.

i had to cancel some clients on monday to drive an hour and a half to the hospital where she was being evaluated. all these years, she never let me soothe her when she was upset or sick. this time, though, she finally realized that she was frightened and was glad that i had come to be with her. maybe she is realizing that some family is dependable.

i had to go to her condo to get her toiletries and a change of clothes. while i was there, i saw 2 pictures of her parents lying on the bar. rage filled me up and i tore them to pieces and threw them away. i blame them for all of my mother's problems. it's not Christian to hate, but that's how i feel. i told my therapist that i would dance on their graves if they were dead and i was in close proximity.

now, even the smallest request has me feeling overwhelmed. and the strange thing is that i have had more requests for letters, faxes, releases, etc. from my clients in the last 2 days than in the last 2 months! if this is a test, i am not going to make an "a."