my little homegirl

the weekend has been pretty interesting. i find myself more tuned in to punkin's eccentricities and am more aware of how i interact with her. i'm afraid that i am overcompensating for my crappy childhood by being a wimp and a pushover, and the last thing i want to do is inadvertently produce a brat. the captain is good at calling me on my wimpiness when he is around, but when he's not, i have to call myself out.

yesterday, punkin was supposed to go to a birthday party. she had been really excited about it. all her girlfriends in her class were going to be there and they were going to make t-shirts. we had rsvp'd a couple of weeks ago. so, imagine my surprise when my suggestion that we go buy a present was met with tears, a terrible attitude and a complete change of heart about even going to the party at all! punkin said she just wanted to stay home, watch dvd's and rest. my 7-year-old wanted to stay home and rest on a saturday afternoon.

of course, my first inclination was to get angry and make her go. we had told her friend we would be there, and there was really no good reason not to go, right? but as i thought about it, the situation fell into the category of "everyone has the right to change his or her mind." after making absolutely sure that punkin really didn't want to go to the party, i handed her the phone and her friend's phone number and told her that she needed to call and tell said friend that she won't be coming to her party after all. then i went to take a shower.

apparently, the friend took the news in stride and told punkin, "just don't forget to get me a present!" which we did that afternoon. it still sits on my dresser needing to be wrapped and delivered. anyway, i must say that i am proud of both punkin and myself: punkin for calling up her friend and telling her the truth; myself for thinking before speaking and allowing punkin the opportunity to be assertive instead of forcing her to be a people-pleaser.

i distinctly remember my parents not only being people-pleasers themselves, but also pushing me into being one on many occasions. so, i have another hurdle to jump there, but that's okay. self-improvement is a life-long process, and unless i get hit by a bus tomorrow or something, i should have a little time to learn how to set limits with others so that i can take care of myself.