notes of anticipation

there was a guy that i briefly dated in high school that liked to write me notes. at first, they were mushy little love notes that make high school girls swoon: you have the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen. i can't wait until lunch to see you, etc., puke, puke. he always included some song lyrics at the end of the note. most of the time they were led zeppelin, his favorite band.

after a couple of weeks, the notes contained less and less mush, but more lyrics. by then he had branched out into other classic rock bands and even some def leppard (this was the 80's folks). he had a full-time job at a pizza place, which meant we hardly ever saw each other, so the notes were kind of the lifeline of our relationship. i tried to steer them away from lyrics by writing my reply notes with more substance, but he would tell me that conversations are meant for real issues; notes are for song lyrics.

okay, fine. write me some stupid lyrics that mean something to you, but just fly right over my head. they weren't romantic - we're talking about led zeppelin, not barry white. but what really got to me was that at the time, i didn't know very many songs by heart. i felt foolish grabbing some madonna song out of thin air just because i knew the lyrics. God only knows what he thought when he unfolded my note to read the words to "material girl."

anyway, the relationship didn't last long, and he went on to find the girl he eventually married. i would bet my left big toe that he didn't write her song lyric notes.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

-- My Immortal, Evanescence (2003)