rocket (wo)man

i feel like i am in the middle of some kind of transformation. i am slowly becoming aware of things that i didn't know about myself - just simple things, really. like the fact that i enjoy listening to elton john. i found myself turning up the car radio the other day when the deejay played your song. after it was over, i wanted to hear it again.

and you can tell everybody this is your song
it may be quite simple but now that it's done
i hope you don't mind
i hope you don't mind that i put down in words
how wonderful life is while you're in the world

i've also been revisiting my spiritual practices. i've come to realize that most of the things i was doing, all the way down to going to church, were things that i have been told i must do. i rejected "organized religion" a long time ago - at least in the form of denominations. i don't need some other human being telling me that the things i am doing and thinking are going to send me to hell, when that person is doing the same things or worse. i had it in my head that in order to be a "good Christian," i must attend church every weekend, put aside time for prayer every day, and spend time reading the Bible on a daily basis.

don't get me wrong - i know people that do all of that stuff and are quite happy doing it. but what good am i doing myself, my family, or my God if i pray half-heartedly, force myself to read the Bible and drag myself to church, wishing the whole time i was somewhere else? if i can't do those things with a happy heart, then what's the point? maturing in one's faith is an ongoing process, and i just have to accept the fact that i am not as far down the road as i thought. i am done feeling guilty about it. it would be one thing if the guilt was a motivator for healthy change, but it's not.

and I think it's gonna be a long long time
till touch down brings me round again to find
i'm not the man they think i am at home
oh no no no i'm a rocket man
rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone